I Never Had a REAL Mother-Day 31

Good morning to you. I wish you happiness and prosperity. I hope this work week is all that you want it to be and more. Make it your very best.

In most of my writings, I have made mention of my father, the man who reared me and most of my siblings. He was my role model in many ways and in some ways, he was not. My mother abandoned our family when I was 10-11 years old.(somewhere in there) I am unsure of my exact age, but I vividly remember the night she left.

Her and my dad had been arguing. Then, we (the children) heard some violent bumping and extremely loud shouting. My mother ran out of the room, holding her head. She made a quick exit out of the front door. Her head was bleeding profusely. I tried to follow her, but she quickly demanded I return to the house. She promised she would return someday to get me. But she never did. I have always looked upon her conduct as particularly injurious to me and my siblings. We never had a real mother, in our home.

Mother-a female parent;to care for or protect like a mother; act maternally toward.

I remember very little about life with my mother. I don't remember receiving love from her. I remember that she always loved church more than her children. I remember the last time I saw my mother, prior to my adulthood, I was a child. She had very little, if any, influence in my life. In fact, for most of my life, I depised her, and sometimes would tell people, my mother was dead. Why?

Please listen to me as I share one of the most painful times in my life. I was a little girl that needed love. I did not receive much love as a child. My father was always working. He did the best he could, with what he had. But I am female, and a little girl needs her mother. I started my menstrual period, believing that something was wrong with me and that I was going to die. This was devastating for me to go through without a mother. I also went through my life believing that my mother did not want me or my siblings. She had moved on with her life and was happy to be without us.

I did not even speak to my mother much by way of the telephone. She did not call us much and when she did,the conversation was basically, "I miss you...I love you". What you love me, but you don't even take the time, to come and pick me up to spend time with me? I hear you you profess your love but I did not feel your love mother.

I did not have a mother as a child, and I did not receive enough love . When I finally saw my mother again, I was 21 years old. She called me one day, while I was working, and suggested we meet for lunch. I told her that I would "check my schedule", and get back with her. She immediately tried to scold me about "making time". I told her that she was "too late", to scold me, as I was "grown", and she could NOT tell me what to do. I abruptly snapped.."where were you when I was a child and needed you"?."I do not need you now." My mother began to cry on the telephone. I apologized for my hurtful words, and told her we should meet.

My mother and I did ultimately meet for lunch. She tried unsuccessfully to justify why she abstained from visiting her children all of those years. But I continued to grill her on her whereabouts. We eventually decided to take things slow, to allow for some much needed healing, to take place. Through years of communicating, we eventually became closer. I grew to "care" about her but I still did not feel that I loved her as I should have.

My mother and father had five children together, and I eventually became the only child that was helping my mother, when she needed assistance. My mother, for whatever reasons, was morbidly obese, for most of her adult life. She had, at one point, weighed in excess of 300 lbs. Sometimes her weight would balloon to 500 lbs or more. As my mother and I grew closer, I would send her money so that she could attend "Weight Watchers". I purchased her a treadmill, and other exercise acessories. I tried as much as I could to help and encourage her to lose the weight. But she was like a yo-yo, sometimes up and sometimes down. Her weight has never, to my knowledge, information, and belief, dropped below 250 lbs. I was there for her during some of these very difficult years of her life.

My other siblings did not do much to help her during this time. When I questioned my mother, she would tell me that "they" had their own lives, and she did not want to be a burden on them. But I knew different.

I knew that my mother have five (5) children, and not just one(1). We all should have helped her. But I carried most of this financial and emotional burden.

My mother eventually married an older man, who had retired from Ford Motor Company, like my father. He had a pension that he and my mother lived off for about ten years (10), or so, up and until his death. My mother told me about some of the comments, my stepfather would make about me. She said that he would say to her..."she is the only child that you have that helps you." Remember these words, because as the years past, my mother obviously forgot them. She did something to me, that to this very day, I have not completely forgiven her for.

But I know that I need to forgive, in order to truly love, and move on. I know that I need to heal. My mother is very ill now, and I know that I could lose her anytime.

Heal-to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment.

Forgive-to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

Please show love to your children. They NEED Love. If they do not get it from you, they will seek it from other sources. Children NEED LOVE.

I love my children with all of my heart. I want them to feel and see the love, in my actions, not just hear my words.

Have a great day.

L. for Love