Siblings Truth-Day2

Day 2 August 12, 2009

Happy Wedneday. Well this is day two of my project and I feel good that I was able to share some of my childhood experiences. This is important because it lays the foundation of who I am and how I got where I am, and give insight into where I am going. Albeit, this project is about "us".

Yesterday, I shared some of my background with you, growing up in Detroit, Michigan.

Siblings. My goodness, this part is troubling because I have had such a disfunctional family life and I am not at all close with my siblings, unfortunately. This is a very sad fact of my life. I love them all and wish them well. We need to deal with this loss of contact, so I reach out to each of them. I must, as it is the only true way to bring closure to a sad commentary of my family life in Detroit. But moving forward, the eldest of this clan is my brother, lets call him W. He was always in trouble, by way of selling and using drugs, burglary and his eventual incarceration. He was the blacksheep of the family. He never really held a job for any real length of time. He had many children, 10-15, by many different women, but he could not financially take care of any of these children. I remember asking him one day, why would he have all of these children, and he responded "I am helping to populate the city of Detroit." He thought it was funny, but I knew that it was sad and heartless to bring these precious lives into his dangerous and unproductive world.

How do I share this most personal moment of my life with you? This is something I rarely speak of because it is so very hurtful. But my brother W. sexually assaulted me as a little girl. I was about 10 or so. He violated my trust for him. It happened once but devasting none the less. I reported this heinous act to my parents, who, as we called it, "whipped his ass" . I never forgot this shocking crime committed upon me, and W. and I were never close subsequently, like sibling should be, as a result. There! I finally have told more than just my parents, and my children. Now I must move on before I am unable to continue. The memory of this gruesome act still hurts very much to think about and/or acknowledge. I really want to pretend it never happened and live life as though I had a perfect childhood but it did happen and I believe it contributed to my sometimes impervious attitude.

My eldest sister, lets call her D. D. was my heart when I was gowing up. I loved her so much. She was eventually a mother figure in the home, after our biological mother was no longer a part of our family structure. D. would cook and clean for us, when my father was away. D. was very involved in church-life as well. I remember one day, when I was about twelve years old, I got my "period". I did not have a clue why I was bleeding from this area of my body. I later learned about a woman's monthly cycle. A "period", mean a young woman has reached the age of puberty. Puberty is for a young girl getting her monthly menstrual flow. This had never been discussed in my household, and I had no knowledge of it. The day, puberty came upon me, I thought that I was dying. I wanted to get my life in order with important members of my family. The first person I turned to was D. I told D. that I was sorry for everything I ever did. I told her that I loved her very much and that I was going to die. She caringly asked what was I going to die from, and I shared with her that I was bleeding from my private area and the blood would not stop. Thats when she chuckled and told me that I had just gotten my "period" , that it was normal for a girl my age, and I was "not going to die". I was relieved and ecstatic, but I depised my mother for not being around to warn me of this impending part of my adolesence.

My brother J., lets call him, was nonchalant his entire life, as I remember. He was not a problem at all. I remember he use to play with frogs and insects as a child. We were not very close as children but we were not far apart either. He did not get into much trouble at all as a child,and as a matter of fact, he grew up and joined the marines and he also accepted employment from Ford Motor Company, like my father. I love you J.

My youngest sister D2., we will call her. She was always jealous of me. I was light brown complexion, with long hair and she was very dark and had very short hair. I was more subtle in my way of doing things as a child and she was loud and boisterous. I did not "hang" with a group of girls while she constantly had a group of girls around her. As you can conclude, we were complete opposites. I remember, when I had graduated from highschool. My sister D2 and I had a really bad argument about some minute issue, and she called me a name and I blew up and called her "a black bitch". I still do not regret these words to this day. She remarked that she was going to "tell daddy when he gets home". I told her that I did not care.

Well, when my father came home, all hell broke loose, and this was the day that I left home and never returned to live.

Have a great day.