Are YOU a Role Model? Day 21

Good morning to you. I hope you have a wonderful day. In fact, I want to share with you that this day can be the best day of your life. We must take charge of our own thoughts. You believe whatever you set your mind to believe. You feel about yourself, what you set in your mind and focus on. This is the best day of my life. I have my children that I love and adore, my health that I work on almost daily by exercising and closely monitoring what I eat. I love all of you, even though I do not know you. I do not want to live without loving. We can choose to love or we can choose to dislike and/or hate. I'd much rather love and be loved. But be loved at what price I ask? I will not be dishonest and tell you sweet things to make you feel good just to get you to like me. NOT. I will be honest with you because I know that the truth with help you so much more than being pretentious. So I ask you, Are YOU a role model? Do you know what a role model is? Do our children, family and/or friends look to us for advice? Or do they look at our behavior as to what they DO NOT want to emulate? What is the TRUTH?

Truth-the true or actual state of a matter; ideal or fundamental reality apart from and transcending perceived experience.

Role Model- a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, esp. by younger people.
*A person who serves as a model in a particular behavioral or social role for another person to emulate.

I pose this question because in our star struck society, the people that are suppose to be examples of who we and/or our children should emulate are more of the examples of what I do not want my children to aspire. Lets briefly review a few for purposes of clarity: (Please note that I do not personally know any of these people, but they are in the public domain as examples)

Star Struck-captivated by famous people or by fame itself.

Paris Hilton- She is an heiress to a vast fortune. Her grandfather, I believe, built some hotels may years ago and there began the Hilton legacy. So what does she do? Paris is known in the public as having many different boyfriends, making sex tapes, and shopping. Is she a role model for our daughters?

I respectfully refer you to the definition above. But I can tell you without one doubt that I do not want my daughter to emulate her behavior.

Little Wayne-(rapper) He is known for his rap lyrics and selling millions of records. He uses disgusting and profane language in his songs. He has a complete disregard for respecting women and children. He presently may have two or three DIFFERENT women pregnant by him, stimultaneously. I ask you again, is he a role model for our sons?

Again, I can unequivocally tell you that he is not a role model for my son. I would not want my son to emulate his behavior.

Emulate-to try to equal or excel; imitate with effort to equal or surpass:

Now let us look at the man or woman in the mirror. Are YOU a role model? Do you want your children to emulate your behavior? Do we want them to emulate the behavior they see on TV or in the movies? They will emulate behavior, the only questions is whose?

Let me look in MY mirror. I consider myself a role model in some ways and not in others. For example, when it comes to my children understanding that education is the key to effective communication, I am an example. When it comes to displaying that hard/smart work ethics is critical, I am an example. When it comes to displaying love to them, I consider myself an example. But I need to do better, much better. When it comes to displaying patience and understanding, I need to rapidly improve. I can, of course, go on and on. But I ask this question because we should ask it of ourselves daily. It is a fact that our children will emulate behavior. It is one way they learn, by watching others. Again, the only genuine question is whose behavior will they emulate? So I ask you, do you want them to emulate YOURS?

THINK ABOUT IT. Have a wonderful day.

L. for Love

Child Support-Day 20

Hello to all. Thank you for your support, especially Lisa and others who have posted comments and/or given me feedback, including but not limited to pointing out errors. I love and respect you.

Today my daughter and I are out walking in the mall. We went to see a movie at the cinema. This is a Sunday ritual for us. I did not like the movie we saw, but be that as it may, I enjoyed spending time with my daughter.

Yesterday, I got into a text argument with her dad. He was served with child support papers. He has not paid me child support for our daughter for three (3) years. I warned him that the papers were coming. When he received them, he called me but I was not available to speak, so he left me a nasty text message. He called me an evil woman for filing child support papers. I responded to his text and this went on for about an hour or so. I eventually laughed it off, and told him that no matter the names, he will pay child support for our daughter.

My daughter spent the entire 2009 summer with her dad. Prior to him driving to Florida to pick up our daughter, I warned him that he needs to have her in some activities. I warned him to monitor her diet, so she would not eat too much, and gain weight. I did not want her lifestyle with him to become sedentary.

Moreover, while my daughter was in Arkansas visiting her dad, she gained fifteen pounds. She watched television most of the day, with no educational or physical activities. She did not read or go to the library. She basically sat in front of the TV and ate herself to oblivions. How nice. Just give me all of the work. I was furious. I told JJ that he takes the easy street and leaves me the work to do. It takes more effort to help our daughter to read than it does to let her sit and watch TV. It also takes more effort to pay close attention to her diet than just feed her fast food, for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

He did a terrible job watching her. He has also married, and his wife treated my daughter like a piece of crap. According to my daughter, his wife, hit my daughter and made her feel unwanted in her dad's home. My daughter has since told her dad that she does not want to visit with him again, if his wife is in the home. In fact JJ told me himself that he believes his wife is jealous of the attention he gave our daughter. How sad is this?

Well, I just wanted to share this note with you. I am at the mall at this very moment in an Apple store, making sure that I write this blog for the day. Tomorrow, I will resume another serious subject.

Have a great evening.

L. for Love

LOVE-What is it? Day 19

Happy Saturday. This is a wonderful day. Yesterday was exciting. I received a double blessing and I am going to share it with you.

I am an inventor. I created a product that will soon be massed produced. I hired an engineer to create a prototype. This prototype is now complete and will be sent to me next week. Also my daughter and I were walking, after we left the gym yesterday. My daughter noticed a bookstore. We visit many bookstores quite frequently. But anyway, we went in, and to my surprise, they have all sorts of books. I found books on black history, science, math and various other subjects. I am homeschooling my daughter this year, so the text books came in handy. I saved a ton of money. I plan to return the books that I purchased from Barnes and Nobles bookstore. Is this right? This other bookstore had so many books that we must have perused for hours.

Now to the subject at hand. What is Love? How do you express it? Is Love action or mere words?

Love-a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend;
affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.

I ask this question because I am confused at the action of most people who consider themselves christians. Christian means Christ like...right? Most African Americans who are associated with a church, generally consider themselves christians. So I ask you..what is a christian?

christian-of, pertaining to, or derived from Jesus Christ or His teachings: a Christian faith.

I ask this question because I am seriously confused. When I look at the actions of most Black Christians here in South Florida, I do not see Christ-like behavior. Quite the contrary, I see disdain for one another. I hear these Christians gossipping, backbiting, instigating, being jealous and envy of one another. Now again I ask...what is a Christian?

Are you Christians living a life that is Christ-like? Why do you play with these titles? Why do you gossip and talk down to your brother and your sisters? Why are you jealous of one another? Why do you dislike yourselves? I have another questions for the male Christians?

Does it say in the Bible that the man is the head of the household? Where is the man in the African American houshold?

"But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. " 1 Timothy 5:8
"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. " 1 Cor 11:3
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, " Ephesians 5:25
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. " Col 3:19

So I ask again....what is a Christian? Is it just a title that you want to pretentiously tell to others, or do you actually believe that the life that you are living in deeds and not in mere words display the love and responsibility of a Christ-Like life, that the Bible confers? Which are you, a doer or babler of the word?

I have visited several African American Christian churches, here in South Florida, and I am shocked at the attitudes of disdain displayed. Some of the women look and walk by without speaking. When I speak, they ignore me and walk by. What have I done to you but come into a church that advertises the doors are open. What have my daughter done, when the children emulate the adults and talk about and offend her. What have we done to you? Why do you treat us so bad? Why do you make us feel so bad. Is this what you call love?

or it this Hate?

hate-intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.

I sincerely and respectfully ask you. Do you know what love is?

Have a wonderful day.

L. for Love

The Ugly Truth-Miami-Dade Small Business Ent.-Day 18

Happy Friday to all. I hope you have a most wonderful day and weekend. We should all try and be a better person. Life to me is about me growing as a person and giving as much love as I can give to my family and others. It is a sad day when someone we love die and we think "what could have been" if we had only reached out to him/her. I remind not only you but myself, to love now. There are many family members that I have not communicated with in years. It is sad but true. I love my family. I want to reach out to them and let them know of my love. However, I believe it is a fear of rejection that has prevented me from taking action in the past. This fear prevented me from taking affirmative action. I do not want to just think about it anymore. I must act now. So I share with each of you my goal to reach out to family members that I have had limited and/or no contact. I will reach out this weekend. I will report to you next week. Now back to the subject of the day.

The Ugly:

ugly:disagreeable; unpleasant; objectionable

When I arrived in Florida, I found out soon thereafter that most African Americans, that I encountered, have an ugly attitude toward their own. I must, at this point, share with you what actually happened to me when I questioned an employee in the Miami-Dade Small Business Enterprise office about contracting opportunities.

I registered my small business in this office, so I began to bid on various jobs in order to contract with the county. The lady that selects the companies, in my field for county work, rejected my offer. She is hispanic. I called her on the telephone and spoke to her to inquire as to why my company was rejected. I requested the name and other information on the winning bid. In my official request to the contracting officer, I sent a carbon copy (cc) to the small business office. The Small Business Enterprise office, housed the people who are in charge of over seeing the selection process for companies in Miami-Dade. The lady I cc was African American. I never received any acknowledgment from this A.A. female, that she received my inquiry. So I called her.

When she answered the phone, I introduced myself and asked her if she received a copy of my inquiry. She acknowledged receipt. I then queried her regarding documentation to evidence which companies were receiving the contracts in Miami-Dade. I declared that she has to have knowledge that the majority of the county contracts are awarded to Hispanic companies. I asked for her response and you know what she did? She hung up the phone on me. Yes she did.

I should not have been surprised but I was. Most blacks here in this area are more concerned with their own personal plight as opposed to challenging the status quo and making sure that contracts are awarded fairly. This is the ugly truth.

It is as though Blacks/African Americans hate eachother here. They have no real love for themselves and definitely not eachother. That woman could care less that my business was wrongly overlooked for a contract. She has her position, she gets her pay check. Her position is advertised as concerned for small businesses but in reality it is only a front. She actually does not take any legitimate action. She sits in her office and pretends that everything is lovely. While most black businesses in this area are struggling to survive. The Hispanic businesses are thriving. They are awarded most of the county contracts while Blacks are awarded the leftovers. This is factual and cannot be disputed. I have actual reports from the county to support this position.

Wake up Black people. You have been lulled to a position of inactivity. Your minds are not actively thinking because most of the black men know only sports and lack business acumen. The black women spend too much time on weaves, nails, clothes, shoes, food, and disliking others because some of us try to take care of ourselves.

Wake Up.

L. for Love

A Tribute To Senator Ted Kennedy-R.I.P.-Day 17

Hello to all:

I would like to take this opportunity to dedicate this page to a wonderful human being who had a spirit of giving and kindness. We should all pause to celebrate a life interrupted. We might not have agreed with all of his views but his meek spirit should be an example to all of us.

Meek-humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others.

Senator Ted Kennedy (February 22, 1932-August 25, 2009), served as a United States Senator from November, 1962 until his death. He was the third longest serving senator in U.S. history. He came from the Kennedy dynasty. The family in Massachussetts that produced John and Robert Kennedy, who were slain while serving in office. Senator Kennedy had a progressive spirit.

Progressive-favoring or advocating progress, change, improvement, or reform, as opposed to wishing to maintain things as they are.

Now I understand that there have been alot written about Senator Kennedy. I want to write as a member of the public at large prospective. What I read and know of his actions as a U.S. Senator and as a human being. His legislation touched millions of lives as advancing rights for the people. He believed that all men are created equal and should be given the same and/or equal opportunities regardless of race and/or ethnicity. He championed equal rights and health care, with a vengence, for the average American. These are the people without deep pockets, the people who cannot adequately represent themselves. Kennedy represented in the human spirit what the Bill of Rights represented in the written form. Rights for all Americans, regardless of race, creed or class. He served many people beyond Massachussetts borders, the people he represented by Constitution. Senator Kennedy, in essence, served all Americans. He exemplified the human spirit of concern for others.

He was bold and without fear in his political beliefs even if it meant standing alone. He stood for what he believed, and openly opposed many of his colleagues on many issues. He had a No Fear attitude, and did what he knew to be right. Thank you Senator Kennedy. Because of you, many people now know that tomorrow can bring a better day. You will be missed. But as you so eloquently once said, "the dream lives on." Your spirit Lives on. We love you Senator Kennedy. May you rest in peace. Our hearts and prayers are extended to your family and friends.

R.I.P.

Senator Ted Kennedy
Made in America

Have a great day.

L. for Love

Pt II-The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly-Day 16

Good morning to you. Happy Wednesday. This is a glorious day, as I know that this is truly a day that the Lord has made. I do understand that everyone does not believe in Jesus Christ. But, I must write and communicate what I believe, in my heart and mind. You can, likewise, share your differences, of which I have absolutely no problem. I believe that we can agree to disagree.

The Bad:

As I forged ahead with my networking plans for my business. I made contact with various groups, too numerous to name here. But I will, for clarity purpose, mention a few. Florida Minority Regional Business Council, Miami-Dade Chamber of Commerce, Florida Minority Business Enterprise, city of Miami, Miami-Dade Small Business Development, and many others.

Florida Minority Regional Business Council:

This organization is nonprofit. Its advertised purpose is to assist minority business in the development and expansion stages. I paid about $250, for my certification application. Albeit, I did not earn one penny, from their assistance, during my association in their organization. They did absolutely nothing for my business, but invite me to networking events. I called to set up mentoring appointments, but I was overlooked. I believe that the organization is basically a front to obviously assist more Latin businesses, because most A.A. businesses are not expanding under this organization. I can say without a doubt that my business did not grow at all from my membership with this organization. In fact, I recently received a phone call from their office to inquire as to whether I will be renewing my membership. What do you think I told the lady on the phone?:)

Miami-Dade Chamber of Commerce:

This organization is primarily African American. They advertise their services will "lead the way toward long term business properity". (MDCC website). I paid $175.00 for this membership. Let me say here that some of the people are very nice. But what did I get for my membership fee? My business profits did not increase at all nor did I receive any contracts, while a member. I was invited to various networking events and other social events. This organization is more of a social club. It did not appear from my vantage that they were adamantly concerned about increasing my business profits. It appeared that they were more attentive with their own income, by charging us for all of the social events. There were no checks and balances in place. The checks and balances are important for the organization to ascertain if the social events are assisting members in turning contacts into customers. Some people get very comfortable when they have a job and they forget that some of us (entreprenuers) are seriously trying to increase our profits, so we can also pay our bills.

Now I am not intentionally trying to be facecious. I am disclosing the facts. I paid my money for these memberships. Yet, I did not receive the services I should have received from these two organizations. I consider myself a realist. I look at the bottom line, which in this case is simply....did my membership in these organizations assist my business in increasing profits? The answer is NO.

The bad in these cases is that African Americans do not assist eachother here. There is no genuine support group. It appears that if an A.A. has a good paying job, that is all he/she is concerned with. This is a sad but true fact. An A.A. is the leader of both of the above oganizations. I am ashamed to say it, but it is the truth. The blacks here are more concerned with individual success rather than group success. This is why we have no or very little power base. Just look at the people that control the power here in the South Florida area. The Latin power base did not happen by mere accident. Blacks have no real power here.

Sometimes the TRUTH hurts. But it is still the truth.

L. for Love

The Good, The Bad, and The ugly-Day 15

My first year in South Florida was a complete surprise. Why? How? Where? Who? When?

Good morning to you. I will try to embark on a brief history of and my time in Florida. I will try not to cry, as what I have personally witnessed has literally brought tears to my eyes. Some good, bad and ulgy. Why?

Brief History:

Florida has an interesting history. Sometime in 1845, Florida became the 27th state of the union. Half its population at that time were enslaved African Americans. They worked out in the cotton plants and sugar fields. According to the History of Florida Wikipedia, its population was less than 200,000, of which 44% were enslaved African Americans. By 1900, African American numbers in Florida balooned to approximately 200,000, and they were disenfranchised. Laws were intentionally passed to prevent blacks from voting and/or holding public offices.

However, the climate of Florida soon became more inviting to blacks, or so some thought. Harry Moore, increased membership to the NAACP to 10,000. Many whites resisted this change and Harry Moore's house was bombed. He and his wife were killed. By the 1960s, A.A. population had decreased in Florida. There was more in-migration from other countries, including but not limited to Latin American and there was a de-migration of A.A. to northern states because of the discrimination against them.

The Good:

Did you know that Eatonville, Florida was the first incorporated African American community in the nation?

Did you know that A.L. Lewis, a black millionaire, was the president of the African American Life insurance Company?

Did you know that A.L. Lewis "created a place (The American Beach) where his employees could enjoy what he termed relaxation without humiliation"?

Did you know that Mary McLeod Bethune started Bethune Cookman College for black girls?

Did you know the Royal Crowne Plaza, previously owned by R. Donahue Peebles, was the first luxury resort hotel owned 100% by an African American in the nation?

Wow..this was awesome to write, as I like to know that we can accomplish what we put our minds to. It is called focus. But my question now is...are most African Americans in Florida, as a whole, presently working together for the betterment of our communities, including but not limited to the schools? You know...the ones that are cultivating the young minds. (our children). Remember....the children?

Tell me what you think. I would love to hear from you.

Have an absolutely wonderful day.

L. for Love

Questions for Black Males-Day 14

Happy Monday. This is the first day of school. My daughter is excited about her new school year. I am excited as well, as we have made some positive changes that I will be sharing with you here. For purposes of my blog today, I will post questions that I asked the African American (A.A.)minister on Friday, July 24, 2009. Please be advised that these questions were never answered by him.

If anyone wants to assist the minister, please be my guest.

Happy Friday. To make my point in its most simplistic form, I will ask you a series of questions?

1. Are majority of Black people educated?
2. Are Black people controlling their economics in their own neighborhoods?
3. Do most black families have a father in the home?
4. Do the lyrics in the current culture of music (hip hop) respect black women?
5. What ethnicity,(per its population) have the most men in jails?
6. Are black neighborhoods safe? (Example: Libery City)
7. Are most black schools "A" schools?
8. Can most black children, by grade 4, read on their grade level?
9. What ethnic group commit most violent crimes in America?
10. Can most black males, by the age of 12, speak in complete sentences?
11. Who are raising most black males in America?
12. Did the Hispanic culture come into many areas and surpass the blacks in economics and leadership (public offices)?
13. What is there to be proud of, today, of the black race?
14. What is a leader?
15. Are most black males leaders in America and/or Florida?

Moreover, please answer these questions, send me your answers and at that point, I can seriously ascertain your level of responsibility or inexcusable neglect. Lastly, my cure for these serious ills? God first, and education. A people that cannot speak or write is a people without effective communication. An ignorant people, which we clearly have become, is severely limited.

I await your answers to my questions. Have a wonderful day.

L.


Although I never received answers from the minister, to my questions, I know that there are some reasonable thinking people who understand that it is time to challenge the status quo. The time is out for thinking, if the truth is told, you will not be liked. Ok..I will accept not being liked by some, but I will not stand idly by and watch my race digress and I pretend that I do not see it happening. I see it. You see. Most people in America and the world see it. Can we be genuine with eachother? I must be.

Have a wonderful day.

L. for Love

An Open Letter to Black Males pt II-Day 13

Good morning to all. As I missed writing my blog yesterday. I sincerely apologize, as I spent the day with my daughter, before the first day of school. We had a wonderful time. We went to the cinema. We sat and talked, we did not agree on everything, but I always encourage my daughter to speak to me about anything she desires. I tell her that I may not agree with her, and she may not agree with me but we must be able to effectively communicate with one another. Asking questions is a critical way to learn.

Therefore, for this day, I will publish part 2 of my continued dialogue with the black minister.

While I believe that you are remissed in your position, I hereby support my dissenting view with additional undisputable facts.
First, the time has come for A.A. to forge ahead instead of having a backwards view. Yes, we were slaves, yes, we can not change this fact. But just as a heavy set person that wants to lose weight cannot change the fact that in the past, he/she had eaten too much food. A.A. cannot change the fact they our forefathers were slaves. The more immediately question is where do we go from here?
So do we continue to live by the old adage that we were slaves, and this is the reason we are ignorant and lazy? Do we work hard at losing the unwanted pounds by acknowledging the problems and doing something about it today?
I chose the latter. The time is now for black males to take an active role in their homes and in their communities. Trying to play the blame game is old and have no positive outcome. The Bible is clear, a man is the head of his household. The head is the leader, a leader is a person or thing that leads. Leading means to "show the way". Is the black man showing his community "the way"? The clear and unequivocal answer to this question is NO. We need to stop making excuses and start openly discussing ways in which to solve the problems. To try and blame the ills of our community on the black women only goes to reveal a more complex problem, which is to blame the piper or anyone accept the inactive black males. Blame everyone else without accepting responsibilities may be a way to make black males "feel" better, but the shame should still exist, because the communities are still in a chaotic state.
Why do we not read? Is it because, from your prospective that we were once slaves? America is a racist country? Or is it because, black people refuse to pick up books, open them, and take time to read the words? My points are not my opinion, but they are facts, which cannot be factually disputed. Look at A.A. communities, and you will realize that you cannot argue with facts.
As for your last point, we can clearly agree to disagree.:)
I await your factual reply.


This is my actual response to him. I am trying to locate what he wrote to me in order that you can get a genuine feel of the actual dialogue. However, when and if I find it, I will publish it. If not, we will forge ahead.

I love you. Please share a smile with someone today.:)

L. for Love

A New Beginning-Day 12

Happy Saturday. Yesterday was a wonderful day. My daughter and I spent the day together. I love my children with every sense in my body. I thank God for them. Life is truly worth living. When I look at my daughter, I know that I must continue to move forward, and only look back for purposes of learning.

Florida:

When my daughter and I left Arkansas, I knew that I was not interested in practicing law in Florida. I am an enterprenuer by heart, so I wanted to start a business. I decided to contact various organizations to network.

Prior to my move here, I got on the computer to meet someone that we would room with. There are many sites available for this, including but not limited to dating sites, Craigslist, Room-Mates, and other sites. I eventually met a Columbian gentleman, who had a place in the Aventura area. I also met a Jermaican lady who had a place available in Fort Lauderdale area. How do I choose? I preferred to live with a woman.

I got on the computer to investigate the schools in the area. I first went to the schools in the area where this Jermaican woman lived. The school in this area was primarily African Americans, and it was given a "C" rating by the state of Florida. On the other hand, the school in the Aventura area was mostly jewish and hispanics children, and it was given a "A" rating by the state. Which do you think I chose?

If you begin to develop a picture of me, you will know that I am an education advocate, so of course I chose the Columbian room-mate, for the sole purpose of my daughter attending a better school.

We ended up not actually rooming with this male Columbian, but a friend of his. It was quite interesting because his friend was a female, who never spoke to my daughter or myself. She would come in and leave and not speak a word. It was uncomfortable in the beginning. But my daughter and I soon got use to it. We knew that our time there was limited, so we made the best of our new home life.

The history of Florida is interested to say the least.

L. for Love

An Attorney Interrupted-Day 11

A happy Friday to everyone. May your weekend be all that you want and expect it to be. May you show love to a stranger.

With that said, I will share with you how I continued to fight a corrupt system in Arkansas, with little success. I was a sole practitioner for many years. I enjoyed it this way, as I did not want to integrate my practice with a large firm. I had in previous years clerk for a judge, and worked at a large defense firm, in Detroit. I am very familiar with the way it works. The law clerk does all of the research and most of the writing and the attorneys take all the credit. The attorneys pay menial wages to the clerks but bill the clients thousands of dollars for worked researched and authored by the clerks. I wanted to do my own work.

Moreover, I decided to work for the average person, who really has limited knowledge to defend or represent him or herself. I started representing these people. Eventually, certain caucasian attorneys, who dominate the legal market in Arkansas, began to hear about me. They wanted to eliminate and/or limit their competition. In fact, I actually got a phone call from one attorney in Arkansas. He asked me if I really was an attorney. When I questioned his authority to even ask me anything, he slammed the phone down. A few weeks later, I received a notice in the mail that a complaint had been file against me. This is just one example of what I personally experienced as an attorney in Arkansas.

I tried to reduce my clients' legal expenses. In other words, save them money. I started a program whereby, if a party wanted to file for a divorce, and it was uncontested, I would prepare all of the legal documents for the client. The client would go to court and represent him or herself. He/She would only have to show up in court, answer a few questions, and have their divorce decree ready for the judge to execute. I prepared many of these documents for clients and had no problems.

I prepared ALL of the paperwork for the client. I charged a small fee for the preparation of the documents. But a problem ensued when a client from a rural area of the state went to court. This client, who lived in a predominately white area, presented herself in court. The judge, a white male, questioned the whereabouts of her attorney. When she told the judge that her attorney was not showing up, the judge queried her about what she supposedly paid her attorney. This person lied and told the judge that she paid an amount of money, that she really did not pay. The judge called my office and ordered me to court, the next day, I believe.

When I enter his court room, this judge, who had probably had very limited contact with African Americans, look at me and scolded me on being an irresponsible attorney, for not showing up with my client. I tried, unsuccessfully, to explain to him that I only prepared the paperwork and that the client did not pay for me to represent her in court, but paid ONLY for me to prepare the documents for court. I further explained that a person has the right to represent him/herself. This judge blew up and told me not to challenge his authority on the law.

A month or so later, I received another complaint in the mail from the Committee on Professional Conduct. I was shocked and outraged. I tried many times to fight this unjust system, but to no avail. This continued for several years. I found myself spending the bulk of my time responding to complaints as opposed to representing the clients that hired me. It was having a toll upon me and my income.

The real power was in the hands of unjust men and I knew that fighting them had become a waist of my time. So I decided to file a federal lawsuit. I filed a lawsuit against the Supreme Court Committee on Professional Conduct, all of the Supreme Court Justices, and the Executive Director, for discrimination, retaliation and other causes of action. However, the federal court eventually dismissed my lawsuit on the basis of not exhausting all of my state remedies.

I was tired. My income had been depleted, and I was fighting a legal machine, that had absolute power and control of the legal authority in Arkansas. I thought long and hard. I knew it was time for me to move forward and leave Arkansas behind. I was unsure how I would repair my damaged name, by these unfounded complaints and subsequent punishment. I left Arkansas when a friend invited me to Florida, because he said...."it is paradise".

We must do what is right even if we stand alone.

L. for Love

Pt II-The Truth About Arkansas Supreme Ct-Day 10

This is still a wonderful day. This is the second time that I have taken much time and written my blog, only to have it disappear into thin air. I am disappointed but I must move forward regardless.

With that said, I will continue today with discussing the structure of the Arkansas Supreme Court's Committe on Professional Conduct.

The formation of the Arkansas Supreme Court Committee on Professional Responsibility is inclusive of an Executive Director, an assistant director, investigators and other support staff. Committee members are appointed by the Supreme Court Justices. Most of the staff, including but not limited to the Executive Director, have exclusively been held by caucasians.

You should begin to see a visible picture of some of the challenges faced by African American Attorneys, who challenged the status quo. We were penalized and retaliated against when we challenged the powers that be. The Executive Director has the exclusive authority to ascertain if an offense and/or violation of the rules have occurred. He has unfettered judgment and authority. He is the sole source of ascertaining a violation of the rules. His opinions are absolute.

Many African American Attorneys lost their law license and/or were sanctioned for menial offenses, to ensure that our reputations and legal records were tainted. These are facts which can not be disputed.

The Committee:

Authority; Powers.
(1) The Committee, through its panels, shall have, and is hereby granted, authority to impose any sanctions deemed appropriate as provided in Section 7 (Procedure), Section 17 (Sanctions), and Section 18 (Fines, Costs, and Restitution).
(2) The Committee, through its panels, is hereby authorized to take action by written ballot subject to the requirements and limitations set out in Section 10 of these Procedures.
(3) The Committee, through its panels, is authorized to conduct hearings at either:
(a) The request of the panel; or
(b) The request of the respondent attorney after written ballots are taken.
(4) The Committee is authorized to hold meetings to conduct the business of the Committee which consists of, but is not limited to, the election of officers, the determination of pending complaints, and such administrative matters as required.
(5) The Committee shall have the authority to employ, with the consent of the Supreme Court, an Executive Director who will not be a member of the Committee, and shall not have a vote on any matter presented to the Committee for decision. The Committee, acting through its Chairperson, may temporarily employ or designate from the staff attorneys of the Office of Professional Conduct an acting Executive Director in any case in which the Executive Director or the Senior Staff Attorney (pursuant to Section 5(D)(3)) is unable to act, or recuses, or disqualifies.
(6) The Committee shall maintain a permanent office under the supervision of the Executive Director for the conduct of its business and the maintenance of the various records of the Committee.

NOTE:

Immunity. The Committee, its individual members, Executive Director and employees and agents of the Committee are absolutely immune from suit or action for their activities in discharge of their duties hereunder to the full extent of judicial immunity in Arkansas.


SECTION 4. COMMITTEE PANELS.

A. General. The Committee may delegate to panels composed of less than the full membership of the Committee the power to act for the Committee in discharging the powers and duties hereunder. Specifically, the Chairperson of the Committee shall appoint seven-member hearing panels. The Chairperson of the Committee shall also (i) establish the rotation by which members are assigned to panels, (ii) establish the rotation by which panels are assigned complaints; and (iii) designate the chairs for panels.
B. Appointment. Each panel shall consist of five lawyer-members of the Committee and two non-lawyers. A lawyer member of each panel shall be appointed its chair by the Chairperson of the Committee. A panel member whose term has expired may continue to serve on any case that was commenced before the expiration of the member's term. Five members shall constitute a quorum. The panel shall act only with the concurrence of at least four members. Reserve members may be appointed to serve on a panel pursuant to Section 3(A)(3).
C. Powers and Duties. Panels shall have the following powers and duties:
(1) To conduct proceedings during the ballot phase concerning formal complaints of misconduct, petitions for reinstatement, and petitions for transfer to and from disability inactive status;
(2) To conduct hearings;
(3) To adopt written findings of fact, conclusions of law, and recommendations prepared with the administrative assistance of the Office of Professional Conduct; and
(4) To discharge other duties imposed by these Procedures.



SECTION 19. FACTORS TO BE CONSIDERED IN IMPOSING SANCTIONS.
In addition to any other considerations permitted by these Procedures, a panel of the Committee, in imposing any sanctions, shall consider:
A. The nature and degree of the misconduct for which the lawyer is being sanctioned.
B. The seriousness and circumstances surrounding the misconduct.
C. The loss or damage to clients.
D. The damage to the profession.
E. The assurance that those who seek legal services in the future will be protected from the type of misconduct found.
F. The profit to the lawyer.
G. The avoidance of repetition.
H. Whether the misconduct was deliberate, intentional or negligent.
I. The deterrent effect on others.
J. The maintenance of respect for the legal profession.
K. The conduct of the lawyer during the course of the Committee action.
L. The lawyer's prior disciplinary record, to include warnings.
M. Matters offered by the lawyer in mitigation or extenuation except that a claim of disability or impairment resulting from the use of alcohol or drugs may not be considered unless the lawyer demonstrates that he or she is successfully pursuing in good faith a program of recovery.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Have a wonderful day.

L. for Love

The Truth About Arkansas Supreme Court-Day 9

Hello to all:

Law-the principles and regulations established in a community by some authority and applicable to its people, whether in the form of legislation or of custom and policies recognized and enforced by judicial decision.

Lady Justice- Lady Justice is often depicted wearing a blindfold. This is done in order to indicate that justice is (or should be) meted out objectively, without fear or favor, regardless of identity, power, or weakness: blind justice and blind impartiality.

Justice- the quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness: to uphold the justice of a cause.

Legal system-a system for interpreting and enforcing the laws

This is day 9 of my project and today I will set the foundation for what contributed to me leaving Arkansas. As I had previously mentioned, I was an attorney in Arkansas. I practiced law there for almost 15 years. I was an advocate for the people. I know that the legal system, in general, is not constructed to help people with limited means.

Background:

Arkansas, legal representatives were some of the first to sign the Southern Manifesto. The Southern Manifesto is a written document signed by legislators, who opposed integration in public places. They were adamantly against integration. The SM tried to counter the landmark U.S. Supreme Court case of Brown vs. Board of Education. This case said in a nut shell that separate education facilities are not equal.

Again, Arkansas was one of the states that opposed this ruling and attempted to counter its authority by implementing the SM.
So as one can infer, Arkansas representatives did not want to acknowledge or integrate with blacks in the state, and this included the legal system. They wanted to maintain their control over the legal system and limit black attorneys authority and power. To this present day, they have done just this.

Attorneys in Arkansas are governed by the Supreme Court Committee on Professional Conduct:

SECTION 1. SCOPE.

A. Purpose. These Procedures are promulgated for the purpose of regulating the professional conduct of attorneys at law and shall apply to complaints filed and formal complaints instituted against attorneys after the effective date of these procedures, and within the purview of the jurisdiction and the authority of the Supreme Court Committee on Professional Conduct. From the effective date hereof, these Procedures shall apply to transfers to inactive status, to reinstatements, and to the extent that limitations and special requirements pertain, to attorneys presently suspended, disbarred or who have surrendered their law licenses. Every attorney now or hereafter licensed to practice law in the State of Arkansas shall be a member of the Bar of this State and subject to these Procedures. The jurisdiction of the Supreme Court Committee on Professional Conduct shall extend to lawyers in active, inactive or suspended status.
B. Rules of professional conduct adopted. The court has adopted the Model Rules of Professional Conduct of the American Bar Association, as amended, as the standard of professional conduct of attorneys at law. An attorney who violates any provision of the Model Rules, or these Procedures, shall be subject to the provisions herein.
C. Nature of proceedings. Disciplinary proceedings are neither civil nor criminal but are sui generis.
D. Repealer. To the extent that former rules or existing provisions of the Arkansas Code Annotated are in conflict with these Procedures, they are hereby overruled and superseded. These Procedures shall not be deemed exclusive of, but supplemental to those provisions of the Arkansas Code Annotated that are not in conflict herewith.


As can clearly be seen from the photo above, all of the justices are caucasian. These are the people that set the tone for the interpretation of the rules of professional conduct. They select the Executive Director of the Supreme Court Committee on Professional Conduct. When I was practicing there, the director was Mr. L., for purposes of these entries.

Mr. L, was appointed the Executive Director of the Supreme Court Committee on Professional Conduct. He duties included but were not limited to:

A. General. The Executive Director shall be an attorney actively licensed to practice law in the State of Arkansas, shall serve at the will of the Court, and shall devote full time and effort to promptly and efficiently perform the duties stated in subsection B of this Section, and such other duties as directed by the Committee.

B. Duties.

(1) It shall be the duty of the Executive Director to receive all complaints against any member of the Bar.

(2) Upon a determination by the Executive Director that a complaint sets out allegations falling within the purview of the Committee, and those allegations are supported by sufficient evidence, the Executive Director shall provide any assistance needed in the preparation of the complainant's affidavit, and shall process a formal complaint pursuant to the procedures of the Court and the Committee. At such time as a formal complaint is directed to an attorney for response, the Executive Director shall assign the case a docket control number.

Things are NOT always the way they appear, and the people in charge DO NOT always make decisions based upon correct judicial protocol. When I spoke out. These people began to relentlessly attack me and my reputation.


We shall continue this topic tomorrow.

L. for Love



The above photo is a picture of the justices of the Supreme Court of Arkansas:


From Left to Right: Associate Justice Paul E. Danielson: Associate Justice Annabelle Clinton Imber; Associate Justice Donald L. Corbin; Chief Justice Jim Hannah: Associate Justice Robert L. Brown; Associate Justice Jim Gunter; Associate Justice Elana Cunningham Wills,

The Truth About my Daughter T. Day 8

You will not believe this. I just spent maybe 1 1/2 hours writing the entry about my daughter, and it was deleted. I am so disappointed right now. I have to try and rewrite what I had already written. But here goes.

Prior to my exit from Detroit, Michigan, my son's dad filed a Child Visitation case against me to see our son. He preferred to use the bureaucratic system over negotiating with me. I had accorded C visitations with our son. But C was spiteful because he knew that I did not want my son to emulate him. I intentionally limited C's contact with my son. Moreover, after my divorce from A, I said good bye to Detroit. I moved to Arkansas, where I have relatives on my father's side of the family. I moved for the sole purpose to protect my son from the misfortune of having an uneducated father. I would NOT turn over my son to the streets of Detroit. NO WAY NO HOW.

I made plans to study for the Arkansas bar exam, to become an attorney. I eventually became an attorney with the assistance of some good people in Little Rock,Arkansas. I 'd like to give a shout our to these people who assisted me, in my time of need. They had a safety net in place. When I initially arrived in Little Rock, I secured living arrangements with the paralegal of the attorney who employed me. This attorney, we will call her Mrs. C. However, shortly after, I passed the bar, I became a sole practitioner. This means that I was the only attorney in my firm.

slowly but surely, I began to make good money and eventually I bought a dependable vehicle and moved to an adequate apartment in the Little Rock area. My son and I were finally making visible progress. Moreover, I would from time to time visit my family in the Pine Bluff area of Arkansas.

While visiting this area one day, I met a handsome man. This man walked into a store, where I was making a puchase. He followed me to my car, and inquired of me if I could assist him with a problem. I gave him a business card and told him to contact me. Unbeknown to me that one day this handsome and adoring man, would be the father my daughter.

We will call him JJ for purposes of these entries. JJ was handsome, strong and alluring. He was very considerate and we eventually loved one another. What I still, to this day, like about JJ, is the fact that he is no thug. He consistently wears his pants pulled upon his waist, with a belt to secure them. He did not disrespect me with vulgar language, unless he was very angry, at me. Then he would burst with anger. JJ was more often than not, thoughtful and caring. He accepted me for me. He wanted me to be comfortable and happy in our relationship. JJ did not have much formal education,but he was brilliant when it came to electronics. He could build a radio or any other electronic equipment from scratch. He could also fix and/or repair anything around the house. I had my own personal handyman.

JJ would also cook. I did not like to cook or clean. JJ did not have a problem assisting me with these gratuitous activities. He would cook and he would clean. I loved this. But sometimes JJ had problems controlling his emotions. He would grab on me when we did not see eye to eye. JJ is a pretty big man. He is a former highschool football star. We tried to work on the personal problems we had. I was with JJ on and off for almost 10 years. To date, it was the most enduring relationship that I have had. We produced a beautiful daughter. JJ and I never married. He asked me to marry him intermittently, but I declined. I believe that I needed someone that I could relate more to on an intellectual basis. I loved JJ dearly but sometimes I felt that he did not fully understand me. Occasionally, I would try to discuss current world and/or political events with him. JJ was more interested in the next football game. We eventually began to grow apart. I was not lacking for anything with JJ but mental stimulation. JJ rarely gave me mental stimulation. But I loved him.

Thank you JJ for our daughter and everything you have done for me. You were never manipulative or conniving. I am sorry that I could not be what you needed me to be in your life. But I wish you much love and success. Be happy JJ, you deserve it. Our daughter loves you so much. She needs you to always to be a part of her life.

Eventually,I felt I was compelled to leave Arkansas, and JJ would not see his daughter for 3 years.

We must take responsibility for our own actions or lack thereof.

Have a great day.

L. for Love

The Truth about my 1st Marriage -Day 7

As I told you earlier, my daughter was visiting her dad for the summer. But before I elaborate on this, please allow me to tell you of my first husband, who is not the father of my daughter.

I met my first husband "A" at a laundry mat. I mentioned that I have always tried to take care of myself by paying careful attention to what I consume and exercise regularly. I am presently a size 8, but my normal size is a 4, so as you can ascertain, I am presently too large for my body frame. I have digressed, let's get back to the subject at hand.

I met my first husband A, after my son was born. I believe M was about 4 or 5 years of age. A was employed at General Motors and was making decent money. He was impressed with my physical appearance and truthfully, I was impressed with his income. He was not very attractive nor educated, but I did not want anymore children, and he had a good job. So the relationship was mutually beneficial. I took care of him by performing my wifely duties and he took care of M and me financially. I was in law school during this brief union. We were married in Detroit about a year or so after dating. The marriage did not last. A was insecure. He was always accusing me of either having affairs with other men and/or trying to vie for their attention. I am sure that I contributed to its demise as well. I have my own idiosyncrasies that, I admit, are not very easy to live with and/or be around.

Less than a year into the marriage was contengious. We began to habitually fuss and fight, all through the day and night. Any time we were in the same room, an argument ensued. The environment became a hell on earth. I felt that I was the most unhappiest woman on the face of the earth, and I am sure A felt the same. One day I was in my class, which was ending, when I veered toward the clock on the classroom wall. I noticed that class was almost over and soon I would have to return to a house that was not a home. I dreaded the thought.

I left class, drove and parked my car in front of the house, that I shared with a man that I depised. What do you say to a man that you do not want to be with it but you want him to financially continue to take care of you and your child?

I was lost for words but I knew deep within that I could NOT take this life. I went into the house and told my husband the truth, that I would be leaving him after I graduated from law school.

Well, as you may have concluded, this did not go over to well with my husband, who packed his things, and left me, with an apartment that I could not afford and no money. What's an honest girl to do? I told the truth. Thinking back on the situation today, a little white lie may have been more appropriate. But I was compelled to tell the truth. I did want my husband to take care of me while I completed school. I did not want to have to deal with the financial pressures of attending school full time and working full time to try and take care of my son. Thereafter, I would have amicably left him upon completing my studies and becoming gainfully employed. But he filed for the divorce and I was more than happy to oblige. I was told by my attorney that I could get this and that, from my husband. But all I wanted were peace and happiness for my minor son and myself. I graciously declined my attorney's advice to go after the money.

After our divorce, A retaliated by trying to make my life miserable. But he did not succeed, as I moved on and only wished him much love and success. I have not heard from nor spoken to A, my first husband, since we divorced, many years ago. I hope A and his family are well.

L. for Love

An Open Letter to Black Males-Day 6

Please allow me to say that I missed writing my blog yesterday because I spent the day traveling to pick up my daughter. She had been away for the summer visiting her dad. I had to fly to pick her up. I got up yesterday morning at around 3:00a.m. I left the abode and drove to the Fort Lauderdale airport. I was at the airport by 4:00a.m. My minor daughter is my priority, as your children and family are yours.

Please forgive me. This project is so very important to me, and many others. So for this entry, I will post a letter that I wrote to a black minister.

Dear Black American Males:

Happy Thursday. To respond to your note, I say the following. First, it is a cop out to use the scenario that the "world" is full of problems, so the Black community problems are basically no worse. I dissent. First, it it not the whole world that has an astounding population of illiteracy among its people. If you go to most large communities, where the population is primarily African American, you will find that the schools are D and F schools. Most of the young males, are wearing pants to the knees and they cannot speak in complete sentences.
Our communities do not control their own economics. Most A.A. communities have other ethnic groups controlling the neighborhoods economics, by owning the stores and most times the actual homes. It is a very sad state when we no longer value education, where in the days of slavery and subsequent, we were lynched and beaten for trying to learn to read. Now illiteracy is a way of life for most black males. Look at the prison rates...I can go on and on but I believe you get my point.
The black male in American is weak. He is not a leader within his own community. The family has fallen apart because he is no longer in the home, and as a result, the communities are not viable. The facts speak for themselves. Just open your eyes.
Right here in South Florida, the Hispanic community have surpassed the Black community, in economic wealth. They have come into our territories and have taken ownership because the black man is weak. The average black male is not a leader, he is wounded, and his communities reflect these serious wounds.
As for me, I would whole heartedly embrace the position of a wife as ordain and commanded by God. However, it must be a real man, and not just a "male".
I look forward to your response. Have a great day.

This is the actual letter that I wrote to the black minister. He tried unsuccessfully of course, to convince me that the ills in the black community are no worse than any other ethnic group.

Liars Beware.

L. for Love

The Truth of my Son M. -Day 5

First, I would like to give my followers a shout out. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. Albeit, this project is about honesty and forthrightness, so whatever you have to say, please share it, even though we may have different views and/or opinions.

But always remember, FACTS CANNOT BE CHANGED, just because.

I love you all.

Today is about my most precious gifts that came into my life in this world. My children. I have two. A boy and a girl. We will call them M and T, for purposes of this and other entries.

I met my son's father, C, while I was driving in my car, in Detroit, Michigan. C was somewhat attractive, brown skin with descent features. But how C really captured my attention, was the fact that after he tried unsuccessfully to get my attention, he began to follow me while I was driving on the interstate. I found this to be amusing, seemingly because I tried to "let him down easy", but instead of going on his merry way, he did not give up. I like tenancity. Moreover, I eventually waived him to pull over, and we both stopped our vehicles.

C. was not tall, maybe 5'9, or so, but he had a slamming chest. It appeared from my vantage that he regularly exercised. I like a man that takes care of himself, because I have always tried to take care of myself. But anyway, he was smiling as he, self consciously, approached my car. He introduced himself as I did, we exchanged a few pleasantries. I had some business to attend, so I abruptly interrupted him and told him that I was in a hurry, so he gave me his number, so I could call. Thereafter, we went our separate ways. Several days later, I called C to ascertain his availability. We made plans to meet.

C. was not an educated man, he was a few years younger than me. He told me that he had a highschool education, and he was employed. I later learned that C was actually a highschool drop out, like too many black males in America. C lived with his parents, and an older sister, on the eastside of Detroit. I was not impressed, but at least, he was working, and conveyed to want to do something with his life. He was respectful, he made me laugh and did not pressure me for anything. We were never in a serious or committed relationship, but we were intimate a few times, and several months later, I missed my period. Ohh boy.

I knew that I was not interested in marrying C, so I decided that I would not tell him that I was pregnant. I was not happy that I was pregnant and especially by C. In fact, I was sad that C was the father of my baby. I did not want a child by an illiterate man. So I ended the relationship by not seeing C again during my entire pregnancy. I decided to "go it alone". Maybe, I thought I would find my loving and intelligent prince charming, to swoop me off my feet and live happily ever after with...but life has a way of reminding you that this is no fairy-tale.

I thought often and long about what I would do. Do I have an abortion? I felt like I was not ready for a child, as I was only getting my own life together. But I was unsure. I remember one day, I was lounging in my apartment and I pulled out the Yellow Pages, to call some abortion clinics. When all of a sudden, I got the most intense pain in my abdomen. I immediately threw the phone down and laid across my bed in a fetal position, scared and crying about the uncertain direction my life was headed.

I eventually made a doctor's appointment to medically confirm my pregnancy. When I arrived at the doctor's office, I gave them the usual urine speciman. Pregnancy confirmed and I was informed that the doctor would perform an ultra sound. I undressed and got on this cold table. The doctor eventually came in, queried me on my health as he placed gel on my stomach. Then he took a device, and rubbed it across my belly. I could actually hear the sound of my son's heart beating. The ulta sound also displayed an image of the life growing in my tummy. When I heard my son's heart beating, I actually cried and fell in love simultaneously with life in me. At that very moment, I knoew that I was a mother. Me hearing M's heart beating confirmed that abortion was out of the question, and I would have my baby as a young single black woman. I never told C. about his son until after M was born. For this I am truly sorry for C had every right to know and share in the joy of seeing our life, that we both created, inside me grow. But the truth is: I did not want C to be the father of my child or have any influence in the upbringing of him. I had no respect for C as a man. I did not want my child to have a ghetto mentality. A question I failed to ask myself while I was intimate with C was, would I like to have a child with C. The clear answer was NO. But as the saying goes...hindsight is 20/20 vision.

During my pregnancy with M, my older sister D. helped me in many ways, and for this I will always be greatful to her. She was also with me during the birth of my son. Prior to going into labor, I had made up my mind that I wanted to have a natural birth. But when I actually went into labor, and felt the pains associated with birth.....I hastily asked the nurse for "whatever you have to make the pain go away." The nurse lightheartedly responded, " girl, you are fully dialated, you are going to have this baby now." I had my son M without any medications. He was born into this world, by all natural means. He weighed 8lbs 13oz.

I love you M, you are the love of my life for which I am ready to give my life so that you may live. I love you so much until words cannot truly describe the feelings I have for you. I am so proud that you are a real black man and not just a black male. You are a leader. We need you M. Thank you for being my son. You are the light in a darken room, the sun on a cloudy day, and my son, from my body.

I have shared with my son M. that I never loved his dad, and I would be remissed if I said any different now. I must say this that his dad C. did offer to marry me because "he wanted all of his children by the same woman." But I declined, as I knew that I could not marry a man that could not see past what was in front of him. C. had no vision, no dreams and I was not going to let him undo mine.

Have a great day.

L. for Love

Detroit Lion Team Member & NonThinking Truth-Day 4

Day 4, August 14, 2009

Where did I end yesterday must be asked before I can inquire as to where I should begin today. Yesterday, I elaborated on the formal education, I received in Detroit, Michigan.

Moreover, today I am in the library, asking myself, where do I go from there? I do know that my destination is clear and concise, but the direction sometime gets foggy. But here goes...

I was a single black female for most of my adult life. I had boyfriends, of course. Most of the males I dated were black. They were not very educated nor articulated. I believe many were intimidated by a woman with some smarts. I am specifically speaking of a woman that knows more about politics and other real life matters than she knows about the designor name on the bag she carries. In fact, I remember all too well, an incident I had after meeting a member of the Detroit Lion's football team, many years ago.

This team member had given me his telephone number, so we could plan to meet up. I eventually called him and invited him to come over to my place, and he gladly accepted.

At the time, I was living in downtown Detroit, and had my own apartment. Moreover, when he arrived to my apartment, he instantaneously alluded to the number of books I had. He quickly charged that I was trying to "get in his head". I was shocked by this erroneous accusation, as I had no clue what he meant. I asked him to elaborate. He did not know the definition of "elaborate", so I explained it to him. He went to explicate that I had "Psychology books" and "I donno what you trying to do, you must be trying to use psychology on me," he alleged. Thereafter, he abruptly left my place and I never saw or heard from him again. To this day, my determination of that meeting with the football player has been that he was evidently intimidated that I am a "thinking" woman and he was more interested in a "nonthinking" woman.

What I mean by a nonthinking woman is one who primarily focuses on clothes, hair, and/or nails. The things that have little and/or no significance. A woman with very little substance but her exterior appearance. I ask you nonthinking women....Can you and more importantly, your children speak in complete sentences? Do you really understand that your children are more important than your weave, nails and any other superficial things we do and wear to be beautiful ?

I found the incident, involving the football player, to be a dual learning experience for me. On the one hand, he had acknowledged that I was unlike the women he had dated, and on the other, it revealed that many black uneducated males, are intimated by "thinking women". Look around, and you will find many professional black females, like myself, that are single.

The more poignant question is WHY?

When you ascertain certain facts such as, black males are more likely to go to prison than to college or that more black males choose to know more about sports than to know about the politics in their community and beyond. Even though, politicians make decisions which affects them and their families. Sports, need I remind them, is there for entertainment purposes ONLY. You will begin to see a picture. The picture is not a nice picture. In fact, it is down right frightening. Most black males in America have lost their way, and most of the present generation of black males are classless illiterates. As a result, black people are digressing in America, not progressing.

This is a sad but true commentary.

Have a great day.

L. for Love

Daddy, Truth and Consequences-Day3

August 13, 2009

Happy Thursday. This is day three of my project to tell the truth and nothing but. Yesterday, I ended by sharing with you that my sister D2 had threatened to tell my father that I had called her, "a black bitch".

Well, when my father returned home, D2 kept her promise and spilled the beans on me. My father approached me slowly with his eyes harshly gazed upon me. It was as though, my words "I don't care", had offended his fatherly ego. The austerity of his voice itimidated me as he asked "did you call D2 a "black bitch"? I responded with an alarmed and unequivical "yes". And "did you tell her that you didn't care if she told me"? Again, I told the truth by humbly responding "yes". Before I could elaborate , my father had struck me, with his fist, and hit me so hard, I am unsure, to this day, if I hit the floor. I do remember that he hit me on my head, in my face, and in some areas in my back. I do not remember how long this real-life nightmare went on. I just knew, after the beating had ended, that it was time for me to leave my disfunctional family life and try to find "my own way" in the world.

I must emphasize here that prior to my departure from my father's home, I had learn the most essential qualities for self preservation. My father had instilled in me that I should have selfworth, education is critical to a productive life, that people must be willing to accept and live by the decisions they make, the value of using good common sense, and I was more "like him than any of his children".

Thank you daddy. I loved you so much. You taught me so much that you earned the credit for my education. You were the most inspirational person of my life. Most black people grow up in homes where the mother is the head of household. We were raised by a strong black man. So I know they exist. But it is like a needle in a hay stack, strong black men are far and few between. Thank you daddy.

I left my father's home sometime in June, after I graduated from highschool, and I had never returned to live, even upppp until his death, in September, 2000. The beating by my dad set the tone for a strained relationship for many years between us.

Moreover, after I left my father's home, I moved to my step grandfather's home on the eastside of Detroit, Michigan. My step grandfather B., we will call him. B. was an elderly man that worked everyday. He lived upstairs in the two family flat that my father owned. It was a two bedroom home. He had a bedroom, and I took the other. I placed a lock on my door to prevent any possible intruders and/or his visitors, in my absent.

I eventually got a job at Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Michigan, with my dad's help. My father had spoken to people, about his unemployed, "independent" daughter and I landed a job at BCBS, I was only 17. BCBS was a dream job and place to work from many people's belief. But me, I was unsure as to what I would do there except work and complete my responsibilities.

I remember that being "independent" carries more responsibilities. I had to learn that if I wanted to keep this BCBS job, I had to be dependable and complete the tasks that were given to me. My work schedule was five days per week between 7-3p.m. I worked this schedule up and until the day I left, which was 5 years later. I learned alot there and would like to take this opportunity to say "thank you BCBS of Michigan family", wherever each of you may be. You contributed in giving me my start in learning that each of us must take responsibility for our own life and our actions.

I eventually went on to college. As a matter of fact, I was the first in my immediate family, to attend college. I eventually went on to receive my A.A., B.A. and a Juris Doctorate Degree. All of my formal education was received in Detroit, Michigan. I am proud of this fact. I know for a fact that if I can make a decision, not to be illiterate, anyone can. I mean this with all of my heart. We all make choices and we must take responsibilty for the choices that we make.

Have a great day. I love you. You are my fellow human being. Please encourage your friends and family to take this journey and participate in upcoming thoughtful and provoking debates.

L.

Siblings Truth-Day2

Day 2 August 12, 2009

Happy Wedneday. Well this is day two of my project and I feel good that I was able to share some of my childhood experiences. This is important because it lays the foundation of who I am and how I got where I am, and give insight into where I am going. Albeit, this project is about "us".

Yesterday, I shared some of my background with you, growing up in Detroit, Michigan.

Siblings. My goodness, this part is troubling because I have had such a disfunctional family life and I am not at all close with my siblings, unfortunately. This is a very sad fact of my life. I love them all and wish them well. We need to deal with this loss of contact, so I reach out to each of them. I must, as it is the only true way to bring closure to a sad commentary of my family life in Detroit. But moving forward, the eldest of this clan is my brother, lets call him W. He was always in trouble, by way of selling and using drugs, burglary and his eventual incarceration. He was the blacksheep of the family. He never really held a job for any real length of time. He had many children, 10-15, by many different women, but he could not financially take care of any of these children. I remember asking him one day, why would he have all of these children, and he responded "I am helping to populate the city of Detroit." He thought it was funny, but I knew that it was sad and heartless to bring these precious lives into his dangerous and unproductive world.

How do I share this most personal moment of my life with you? This is something I rarely speak of because it is so very hurtful. But my brother W. sexually assaulted me as a little girl. I was about 10 or so. He violated my trust for him. It happened once but devasting none the less. I reported this heinous act to my parents, who, as we called it, "whipped his ass" . I never forgot this shocking crime committed upon me, and W. and I were never close subsequently, like sibling should be, as a result. There! I finally have told more than just my parents, and my children. Now I must move on before I am unable to continue. The memory of this gruesome act still hurts very much to think about and/or acknowledge. I really want to pretend it never happened and live life as though I had a perfect childhood but it did happen and I believe it contributed to my sometimes impervious attitude.

My eldest sister, lets call her D. D. was my heart when I was gowing up. I loved her so much. She was eventually a mother figure in the home, after our biological mother was no longer a part of our family structure. D. would cook and clean for us, when my father was away. D. was very involved in church-life as well. I remember one day, when I was about twelve years old, I got my "period". I did not have a clue why I was bleeding from this area of my body. I later learned about a woman's monthly cycle. A "period", mean a young woman has reached the age of puberty. Puberty is for a young girl getting her monthly menstrual flow. This had never been discussed in my household, and I had no knowledge of it. The day, puberty came upon me, I thought that I was dying. I wanted to get my life in order with important members of my family. The first person I turned to was D. I told D. that I was sorry for everything I ever did. I told her that I loved her very much and that I was going to die. She caringly asked what was I going to die from, and I shared with her that I was bleeding from my private area and the blood would not stop. Thats when she chuckled and told me that I had just gotten my "period" , that it was normal for a girl my age, and I was "not going to die". I was relieved and ecstatic, but I depised my mother for not being around to warn me of this impending part of my adolesence.

My brother J., lets call him, was nonchalant his entire life, as I remember. He was not a problem at all. I remember he use to play with frogs and insects as a child. We were not very close as children but we were not far apart either. He did not get into much trouble at all as a child,and as a matter of fact, he grew up and joined the marines and he also accepted employment from Ford Motor Company, like my father. I love you J.

My youngest sister D2., we will call her. She was always jealous of me. I was light brown complexion, with long hair and she was very dark and had very short hair. I was more subtle in my way of doing things as a child and she was loud and boisterous. I did not "hang" with a group of girls while she constantly had a group of girls around her. As you can conclude, we were complete opposites. I remember, when I had graduated from highschool. My sister D2 and I had a really bad argument about some minute issue, and she called me a name and I blew up and called her "a black bitch". I still do not regret these words to this day. She remarked that she was going to "tell daddy when he gets home". I told her that I did not care.

Well, when my father came home, all hell broke loose, and this was the day that I left home and never returned to live.

Have a great day.

Day One-To Tell the Truth

Day One-August 11, 2009

Well here goes. This is an experiment with myself to the world to be honest, and tell the truth. Now you may ask, the truth about what? This is an excellent question but I will try and explain.

Truth-a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.

Honest-genuine or unadulterated

Fact-something that actually exists; reality

When I was a little girl, growing up in Detroit, Michigan, my father always encouraged his children to take advantage of education. He would say "education is something no one can ever take from you". He went on "if you play sports, you can become injured in some way and not be able to play, but education cannot be taken". Now as a little girl, I love my father dearly, he was all we had. We did not have a mother. My mother left the family when I was young, maybe 10 or so. I do not remember the exact age, but I know she was not around nor did she keep in touch with her children, for whatever reasons.

My mother and father had five children together, two boys and three girls. I was the fourth child born to this union. My mother use to call me the "knee baby". I still do not understand to this day, what a "knee baby" is.

My father had the most influence on my life than any other person on the face of this earth. He was my role model, in most ways. I wanted to emulate him, in terms of his "can do attitude". My father was a very handsome man. He was about 6'1'tall , golden brown complexion, and he always smelled clean and fresh. He was born in Arkansas but he migrated to Detroit, seeking work, like many other southern blacks, and he was eventually hired by Ford Motor Company. My dad worked for FMC for many years, more than 20, I am sure.

Moreover, I remember days, as a little girl, when my father would take us to areas in Detroit that were not very nice. He would describe men standing around as "lazy" and "trifling", and he would say that those men made all black people look bad. My father would tell us that it made "no sense" for any man to stand around when he could spend his time working or at least trying to find work.

This of course, was the foundation of my belief that, as a whole, black people do not take advantage of the opportunities that are in front of them, even today. As a result, we are going backwards, our education and economic conditions are arguably even worse than in the days of slavery.

I must tell the truth as it really is and not as I would like it to be. There. I said it, I feel a little better that I am finally in a position where I can vent these honest words. As I write this blog, tears are in my eyes because I know the truth can hurt. I hope somebody will eventually read and stay with me because sometimes, if feels as though, I am all alone and no one really wants the truth to be told.

I hope you have a very happy Tuesday.

The Honesty Project/365

I am educated, articulate, black and broke in Florida. How did I get to this position, in country where I was born, where my forefathers were slaves and help to build this country?

This is a project that I have decided to undergo for the love of all, especially Black people. I have decided that I can be silent no longer so I am compelled to share my most itimate thoughts of what I witness as "Black people's condition in my life and community at large. I am a Black female who is not proud of my race at all, and I need to share why with you. I was not sure who I should share my thoughts with because I felf like I did not want to offend anyone. But Black people are offended daily. I did not want to embarras anyone but I am embarrassed of what the Black people as a whole have become. Embarrassed by what you may ask? This blog is an attempt to answer this and other poignant questions and share my most detailed and intimate thoughts. I will share with you how a black educated female, with "degrees", behind my name, came to this position. I will not withhold any truths. But instead I share my heart with you.

I encourage feedback. Please feel free to be as open and honest with me as I am with you. The time is now for what I have labelled "The Honesty Project". Will you take this journey with me? I will blog daily for one year (365) giving you keen insight into black life, "emperor with no clothes", as I like to refer to it.


L. for Love